Heavy is the head that watches ‘The Crown’

According to the Daily Telegraph, which quoted, “unnamed sources close to him”, the UK’s third King Charles may have been having some restless nights recently.

It’s not the death of his mother that’s causing him to toss and turn in his king-sized bed. It’s not that pesky son Harry, his insouciant showbusiness US wife Meghan and their friendship with Oprah Winfrey. It’s not even the terrifying idea that his brother Andrew may be a freakish nonsweater and paedophile.

Perhaps it’s the thought that by the time he’s officially crowned king next year there won’t be a Commonwealth left for him to lead. Or the idea of the difficult conversation he’s going to have with the Queen Consort Camilla when he has to explain to her why the traditional Koh-i-Noor diamond is no longer in the crown she’ll wear at the coronation ceremony because by that time it may have been returned to its rightful owners — who, depending on who you listen to, are either India, Pakistan, Iran or Afghanistan.

It must then be the thought that he’ll very shortly have to have another meeting with the gormless, British cheese-rights-protector and all-round imbecile Liz Truss and tell her to go home so that he can dissolve parliament and call a general election … but no, not even after this week’s gleefully entertaining and depressing fiasco in the UK parliament, is it Truss who’s giving the king nightmares.

Could it be the fear of the possible implementation of three-hour blackouts in the face of the UK’s current energy crisis? No, it’s not that either and nor is the king having a recurring nightmare about a leaky inkwell.

The thing that’s keeping His Majesty up more than a 10pm espresso and making him sweat enough for both himself and his genetically mutant brother is, of course, creator Peter Morgan’s Emmy-winning, fictional Netflix historical drama series inspired by the life of the Windsors, The Crown.

According to the Daily Telegraph, which has started a storm in royalist Toby Jugs across the nation, King Charles III and “the palace” are concerned about reports that the show’s fifth season, which streams on Netflix from November, will include scenes in which the fictionalised Prince Charles — played by Dominic West — and his late wife Princess Diana — played by Elizabeth Debicki — engage in “all-out war” as their troubled marriage hits the rocks and ends in divorce.

This has angered the king, who according to an unnamed friend believes the show is “exploitative”. Commentators and royal experts across the UK have weighed in with their criticism of it. It’s such a hot topic in the UK that this week, while waiting to hear some sort of measured, intelligent analysis of the debacle in the UK parliament, I was greeted by the sight of Sky News reporters standing outside Downing Street in the dark, giving their two cents worth on The Crown.

Former prime minister and real-life Quentin Blake drawing John Major has also protested the “load of nonsense” he deems the show to be. This was after reports emerged that the new season begins with a fictitious 1991 meeting between Major and Prince Charles in which the beleaguered royal complains to the equally beleaguered prime minister about his mother’s long reign and tries to plot her downfall.

This is not the first time Morgan’s show has stirred important people in the UK to make objections to its treatment of history. In 2020, during the show’s fourth season, UK culture secretary Oliver Dowden took time out of his busy schedule to announce that he planned to write to Netflix and ask that a “health warning” be shown before the show. Then young viewers would not mistake its lushly created period visuals, handsome actors and many moments of emotional swelling music accompanied by introspection for a royal documentary series. His proposal was rightfully derided by commentators, including Guardian columnist and historian Alex von Tuzzelman, who pointed out that “Netflix already tells people that The Crown is fiction. It’s billed as a drama. Those people in it are actors. I know! Blows your mind.”

If The Crown is exploitative, that’s only insofar as it exploits history for material for its dramatic interpretations. It’s created by Morgan, an acclaimed playwright and screenwriter who has made a successful career using real-life figures from history for dramas that imagine these characters’ private lives and moments at difficult points in their lives.

He did this with football coach Brian Clough (The Damned United), broadcaster David Frost (Frost/Nixon) and three times with former UK premier Tony Blair. The Deal (2003), which starred regular Morgan collaborator Michael Sheen in the first of many appearances as Blair, was a TV movie drama about the power-sharing deal struck between Blair and Gordon Brown in 1994. The Queen (2006) again starred Sheen as Blair and won Helen Mirren an Oscar for her portrayal as the monarch during the aftermath of the death of Princess Diana in 1997. The Special Relationship (2009) featured Sheen’s final Blair outing in a fictionalised examination of his relationship with his famous best friend, former US president Bill Clinton.

Unlike King Charles, Blair hasn’t lost any sleep over Morgan’s fictional versions of him because, as he’s publicly admitted, he can’t bring himself to watch any films about himself.

With his kingdom teetering on the brink of economic collapse, staring an unprecedented constitutional crisis in the face, power blackouts on the horizon and a definite final, annoying and uncomfortable meeting with “Lettuce Liz” on the cards, King Charles III would be well advised to turn off his television and himself, and get some much-needed sleep before the onset of the apocalypse.