KEVIN MCCALLUM: Kevin Pietersen goes to bat for England after verbal bouncers

Kevin Pietersen was considerably less grumpy before the start of the second day of the second Ashes Test.

A day after his teatime “shambolic” tirade against England’s bowling and demeanour, he was looking forward to a good “battle between bat and ball”, how important the first hour was and claiming “all is not lost”.

Fourteen minutes after the start he was considerably happier as Stuart Broad got Carey leg before on review. The England bowler had to work a little to convince Ben Stokes to go for the review, the captain a little unsure, making gestures that indicated he either thought the ball was going over the top of the stumps or that Pietersen was up his own behind.

When Jimmy Anderson got Mitchell Starc caught behind, KP was not only less grouchy but talking of knocking Australia over before lunch. England were less listless than on the first day, which made for Anderson and his swing, but there was more movement from KP’s mouth than Anderson’s deliveries. It’s worth revisiting KP’s entire rant.

“It’s been shambolic, absolutely shambolic,” said Pietersen at tea on Wednesday. “You have overhead conditions, you have a wicket that suits your bowlers and you have bowlers running in at 78, 79, 80mph. Now it’s one thing walking around here, swanning around saying ‘it’s a wonderful team to play in, we’re creating the best environment,’ but this is not Ashes cricket. I’ve played Ashes cricket, I played 30 Test matches against Australia. The Australians here were outside to bat before the English bowlers.

“The English bowlers this morning should’ve been on those stairs saying, ‘we want to bowl at Australians, we’re desperate to bowl at Australia.’ These two Australian batters were out there waiting for England. They’re the ones who should’ve been in the room saying, ‘we don’t want to bat’.”

What was England’s greatest sin? Being too buddy-buddy with Australia. Where was the mongrel, the sledging? Where was Shane Warne to Paul Collingwood, who got an MBE for being part of the 2005 Ashes winners despite scoring just 17 runs: “You’ve got an MBE, right? For scoring 17 at The Oval? That’s embarrassing.”

Or Ian Healy to Michael Atherton: Healy: “You’re a f**king cheat.” Atherton’s reply was wonderful: “When in Rome, dear boy.” 

Biggest hammering

But, KP went on. “Are you telling me that Ricky Ponting in 2005 is going to be talking to Geraint Jones? You think Michael Vaughan is going to be standing next to Justin Langer and saying, ‘Here mate, what a cool day, it’s overcast, it’s beautiful, what an awesome day. I mean the environment here at Lord’s, what do you think of the wicket?’ Are you joking? Are you absolutely joking?

“I just hope they’re in the dressing room now and the England coach is giving them the biggest hammering and saying it’s not good enough. It’s absolutely not good enough. You cannot bowl that here today. You have these conditions, you cannot declare for 390, do you think Australia are declaring today? Do you think Australia are getting 390 today and saying, England have a bat? No chance.”

Too nice with the Australians and too nice with that declaration in the first Test. A few years ago KP told the Indian Express that the Indian Premier League had been great for cricket because the players had got to know each other better, which had stopped a lot of “bad behaviour” during internationals. 

The second Test came in the week of the release of the Independent Commission for Equity in Cricket report, a damning 317 pages in which racism in English cricket was found to be endemic and normalised.

Elitism rife

“Racism, in all its forms, continues to shape the experience of, and opportunities for, many in the game,” the report reads.

Black communities had been failed by the England and Wales Cricket Board who had been slow to respond to racism, women were long regarded as an “add on” and elitism — the private school boys — was rife.

KP has not spoken about how “shambolic” racism has been to black and female players over the years. He left SA because he felt he was a victim of reverse racism, his opportunities throttled by the necessary transformation of the sport. Cricket in England is more than just a battle between bat and ball — it has a battle between right and wrong to fight.

Stokes acknowledged as much before this match. He knows cricket has to create an environment for all.