ANTHONY BUTLER: O come all ye faithful, hail Nkandla Santa
Without a new Santa, we will move from a state of capture to a state of emergency. But who should the new Santa be?
Ho ho ho! We have finally reached that time of the year when little boys and girls across the land begin to dream about a nighttime visit by a man with a low centre of gravity, dressed in a suit of indescribably bad taste. No, not Uncle Gwede! I mean Santa Claus! Santa Zuma is always so busy. He has to run the toy workshop, manage the elves and choose the right reindeer to pull the sleigh. Finally, he has to deliver millions of gifts. He used to be good at his job. He understood how to break into a house in the middle of the night. He had so many surveillance systems that he always knew which children really deserved rewards. He had a Very Special Book to help him. No, not the Constitution of SA — don’t be so silly! He used as his guide Leadership Secrets of Santa Claus, the famous management text. At first, as the book instructed, he listened carefully to the workshop elves. But soon he became friends with the Gupta Goblins. Then he promised Vlad the Impaler all the children’s pock...