On Monday, President Jacob Zuma, fresh from (another) lacerating state of the nation address, spoke to US President Donald Trump for the first time. It seemed to have been an insipid and perfunctory discussion, punctuated by clichés of “strong trade relations”. It’s surely a wasted opportunity considering their common woes. Instead, I’d like to imagine it went like this: Trump: President Zuma? I wanted to give you a call and say we’re eager to work with you. And not just on keeping your people inside your own borders, like maybe Trevor Noah, but also, you know, on trade stuff. I’ve been doing this job for two weeks and I have amazing respect for you, doing it for eight years. Let alone those doing it for decades. I probably could never do that. Well, never say never, but it’s unlikely.Zuma: Nobody said governing was easy. Well, Vladimir did, but he doesn’t have the restrictions we do. I must say, I watch you on ANN7 and it’s terrible seeing the protests you’re dealing with. One minu...

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