Monday: somewhere in Africa. (Assistant director says I should name a specific place because “Africa is not a country”. This seems incredibly racist to me: so far Africa seems like a very nice country, with roads and shops and airports and everything. Will have a word with him about his bigotry.) Still can’t believe I have been hired by Disney to direct the live-action remake of The Lion King as part of their wonderful new plan to remake everything, all the time, forever. This is the fulfilment  of my lifelong dream: to be employed.

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