You can imagine the fun you could have with an ANC auction: a date with Fikile; party swag bags; mothballed “Zuma for President” T-shirts.

Sadly, the reality is far more mundane. Wines and memorabilia went under the hammer at the party’s birthday bash last month, along with a seat next to Cyril Ramaphosa at the gala dinner. Hardly the same as hitting the high notes with Fiks, swathed in the best Dolce & Gabbana that a tenderpreneur can buy...

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