Where can a gay Arab-Italian migrant worker get a beer around here?

Fifa president Gianni Infantino says he feels like a Qatari, an Arab, an African, a gay person and also a migrant worker.

That’s quite some heritage for an Italian-born football apparatchik who, despite all his commendable efforts to inject a little tolerance into the saga now showing at Qatar’s expensively watered stadiums, repeatedly looks like he’s been benched.

It’s not been a great start. First there was story about the 400 “fan leaders” who had been paid to travel to Doha and write nice things on social media about the tournament, while also flagging “negative” posts. They were informed just before departure that they would not, in fact, be getting the daily stipend they had been promised as a financial “uplift” to help them afford  one of the world’s more expensive cities.

Then there was the claim that Qatar gave eight Ecuadorean players a $7.4m bribe to throw the opening match on Sunday. Yet still the home team lost, which, if the match-fixing allegation was true, makes you wonder just how bad the Qatari team must be.

The week kicked off with even more finger-pointing as the Welsh and English teams buckled to Fifa’s demands that their players not wear rainbow armbands signifying support for LGBTQ+ rights, possibly because, as Infantino himself suggested, the Qataris had that all covered.

“I have been speaking about this subject with the country’s highest leadership,” he said. “They have confirmed, and I can confirm, that everyone is welcome.”

Just don’t be seen with a rainbow hat anywhere in town, because it will be confiscated.

Then, of course, there was the last-minute  U-turn on the assurance by Qatar that regular beer would be on sale in  stadiums.

It no longer will be in steerage class on the stands, but if you happen to have access to one of the £20,000-a-match hospitality boxes you can buy as many  500ml Budweisers as you like at just  £12 a pop.