There are many services you can demand from your private bank, and they generally get more baroque as your wallet gets ever larger. Traditional British private banks lead the world in grovelling obsequiousness. Even if your banker is harassing you to do something about the sheer might and magnificence of your overdraft, he is liable to sign off with some variation of "I remain, Sir, your humble and devoted servant", which often improves the mood in the face of incipient financial apocalypse.Coutts is a noble example of the breed, with skills honed over a long and distinguished career as banker to HM The Queen. The mind boggles at the prospect of being sent to the palace to raise the querulous eyebrow if Her Maj were to get over-ambitious with the housekeeping budget, but there’s no doubt Coutts would do it with aplomb. It would be happy to offer the sort of discreet offshore funding structure that enables the client to enjoy life’s luxuries without an inordinate amount of scrutiny f...

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