Image: 123RF/Cathy Yeulet
Image: 123RF/Cathy Yeulet

Prepare yourself for the biggest event in recent history, the ANC's elective conference, by taking our pop quiz. But be warned, you may have to think twice, laterally and on your feet.

1. The ANC conference will be:

a) A forum where the party debates the big issues of the day with a view to taking South Africa forward;

b) A forum where petty factional leadership battles are fought over the meaning of policies that will never be implemented;

c) Remembered as the moment that South Africa lost its marbles;

d) Remembered as the moment South Africa regained its senses.

 

2. The slogan 'unity' is:

a) A desperate plea for everyone to get along in the interests of taking the country forward;

b) The rallying cry of a regional fiefdom that is trying to control the ANC's destiny;

c) Adopted by all but supported by none;

c) Unlikely to ever be achieved.

 

3. If Cyril Ramaphosa wins, the stock market will:

a) Go up as investors pile into South Africa;

b) Go down as the rand strengthens and all the rand hedge stocks lose value;

c) Go 'meh' and carry on as normal;

d) Eventually have a lower market cap than Bitcoin.

 

4. If Nkosazana Dlamini-Zuma wins, the stock market will:

a) Go up as the rand weakens and all the rand hedge stocks gain value;

b) Go down as investors abandon South Africa;

c) Go 'meh' and carry on as normal;

d) Eventually have a lower market cap than Bitcoin.

 

5. President Jacob Zuma will:

a) Put aside factionalism and deliver a landmark speech that gives the nation an amazing feeling of renewal;

b) Fumble his way through a speech prepared by someone else that he doesn't really agree with;

c) Deliver a speech faxed from a house in Saxonwold;

d) Still be president of the ANC at Christmas.

 

6. Delegates to the ANC conference will:

a) Carefully consider matters and vote with their consciences in the best interests of the country;

b) Carefully consider matters and vote for the candidate most likely to send a tender their way;

c) Carefully consider matters and vote for the candidate most likely to keep them in their overpaid civil service job;

d) Look on Google maps for the nearest shebeen as the conference drags on.

 

7. By the end of the conference the ANC will:

a) Unite behind a new president, putting aside factional differences;

b) Split into two with both factions claiming they are the 'real ANC';

c) Be the subject of a decade of litigation over who leads it while the country looks elsewhere for leadership;

d) The same old divided, united shambles that always seems to win elections.

 

8. Radical economic transformation means:

a) Finally getting to grips with lingering racial inequality;

b) Whatever you want it to mean, depending on who you are talking to;

c) Business as usual, just with a nice new slogan;

d) What Mugabe said.

 

9. On Christmas Day, South Africans will:

a) Put aside this fraught year and celebrate the new spirit of renewal in the country;

b) Find new ways to moan about politics, just with new people to moan about;

c) Cut back on the partying because the rand is at R28.72;

d) Carry on as if nothing happened.

 

Answers on the day after the ANC conference, whenever that is


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