'We attended an open-air music concert and spent a day on the beach. There were easily 100,000 people on the beach relaxing. It was very nice.'

Do you want to travel to distant, beautiful lands and give tummy rubs to the tyrants running them into the gutter? Do you want to rock out at a music festival on a beach while sniffing out American imperialism? Then don’t delay! Sign up for the ANC’s next fact-finding mission, headed to a failing state near you! Yes, if you thought the ANC’s despot-massaging trips abroad were grim, tense affairs hosted in grim underground bunkers, think again. This week City Press interviewed former state security minister Bongani Bongo about the nine days he and his delegation recently spent in Venezuela, and they sounded like an absolute blast. “We attended an open-air music concert and spent a day on the beach,” explained Bongo. “There were easily 100,000 people on the beach relaxing. It was very nice.” Who knew storming the barricades of global capitalism could be so mellow? Sure, a few thousand of those people were probably on the beach because they now live there, or were trying to hail a pass...

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