Can you hear it? The silence of a country holding its breath? Can you feel it? That electric tremor of anticipation? What a time these five days have been! But now the wait is over. Today we reach our collective climax. Because today Mzwanele Manyi will reveal which bachelorette gets the rose.

In case you’ve forgotten the details, perhaps because it’s been such a roller-coaster ride of emotion, it all started on Twitter, which immediately signalled that it was very important. “2019 will down in history [sic] as the turning point in the politics of South Africa,” Manyi tweeted on Saturday morning. “It will be business unusual. Watch the space!” Clearly, this was something exceptional: it takes a very special kind of person to send out a teaser consisting of just three sentences, in which you cock up the first and insert no fewer than four clichés, misquoting the last. Fortunately we didn’t have to dangle on tenterhooks for very long. On Saturday afternoon he was back, tweeting a tantalising “pre announcement” about another announcement he would make at 9pm that night, reminding us again to “watch this space!” Shockingly, some people were dismissive, suggesting that they have been watching the space that is Mzwanele Manyi for years and all it ever does is change shape every...

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