EXTRACT

To be fair to the lying sack of Fanta, however, he didn’t suck that tweet out of his tiny thumb. The story was fed to him by his national security adviser (what you and I refer to as Fox News) which had in turn been fed it by our very own AfriForum.

Not surprisingly, AfriForum’s Kallie Kriel was thrilled that his paranoid evangelism had found such a powerful new believer. Tweeting his satisfaction, Kriel said that AfriForum “welcomes the fact that the US government is now officially studying South Africa’s #expropriation plans & #FarmMurders”.

I’m happy that Kallie is happy, but his tweet isn’t technically true. Trump’s government isn’t “officially studying” anything because it doesn’t study anything at all, officially or unofficially, ever.

In case you haven’t read Donald Trump’s tweet about South African farm murders and land expropriation, here it is: “Youuu are getting sleeepyyyy … Your eyes are getting heeeaaavy. I did nooot just become an unindicted co-conspirator in a criminal matter … Michael Cooohen and Robert Mueeeller dooo nooot exiiiist …” Naturally, it was upsetting to see our embattled little country singled out by the Liar In Chief, but as a nation we really need to start learning how to take things from whence they come. Because, of course, Trump’s tweet had nothing to do with us and everything to do with the legal shitstorm barrelling towards him. As for why he picked on us, drawing SA’s name out of the folder labelled “Hail Mary Tweets”, that’s pretty obvious: SA is the only country other than the US in which a sizeable proportion of white people feel they are being oppressed. By pretending to support white South African farmers, Trump was begging white American farmers to ignore his pathological disho...

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