Long before I’d even clocked the existence of novel coronaviruses, if you’d asked me to describe my idea of hell it would have involved being stuck on a super cruise liner, playing drinking games for eternity.

So you can imagine my sense of vindication then, when at the start of this whole Covid-19 debacle, one of the first ports of call that the pox docked at was über cruiser the Diamond Princess (ill-informed landlubbers should not be allowed to use nautical metaphors so recklessly, I recognise)...

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