Picture: AFP
Picture: AFP

As the British government lurches about like a one-wheeled caravan pulled by a three-legged horse, citizens are muttering that what the country needs is a leader like Winston Churchill.

"Action this day" was Churchill’s mantra where Boris Johnson’s might be, er, piffle-waffle-something-something, followed by an exhortation in dog-Latin and then perhaps a jokey comment like "Operation Last Gasp", which was definitely the wrong thing to say at the wrong time.

Johnson would very much like to be Churchill — a war-time leader uniting the British people in a swell of patriotism, immovable and unshakeable. Except that not only would Churchill have fired "Classic Dom" Cummings, he wouldn’t have needed him in the first place.

So, no surprise then that Johnson’s bombast this day is that he will "resist with every breath in my body" any threat by Black Lives Matter (BLM) activists to remove Churchill’s statue from its plinth in Westminster. The statue has been boarded up after it was defaced with graffiti calling Churchill a racist.

What happened next is straight out of the skinhead playbook: far-right counter-protesters flocked to London to "defend" the statue. Never mind that the BLM march was, in fact, cancelled. Result? One particularly pale-kneed chap in a White Lives Matter T-shirt screaming that "this is our country" and that "Boris Johnson doesn’t give a shit" — which may be something all sides could agree on.

With no people of colour to beat up, the neo-Nazis did what they do best: neck a few pints to get the bravery up and pick fights with "the filth", known more politely as the Metropolitan Police.

And what bravery! There, the man-mountain in the green T-shirt, dander up, surging through the crowd, swinging his fists, looking for a target. Oops, no, that one’s too big, turns and runs at … the short female police officer who raises her riot baton like a spear.

The huge irony — as big as a Luftwaffe bomber shot down in flames over London docks — is that of neo-Nazis defending the man who defeated Hitler. Two words for them: "Achtung! Spitfire!"

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