"Yes, there is a safe way to have a cannibalism fetish." That’s an actual headline from US magazine Cosmopolitan last week. I won’t bother you with the meat of the story, which was about how cannibalism fetishism was being sensationalised when the real story should have been about sexual abuse, and how the foundations of BDSM relations (not the misspelt acronym for Business Day and the FM, let me hasten to point out) should be consent.

Though, actually, the foundation of your BDFM relationship should also be consent. As in, you consent to pay for a subscription so you can feast your weary eyes on my column, as well as all the other great content. And this is because, if you don’t, soon you’ll be reduced to the abusive relationship of reading political party press releases, company propaganda and shouty social media for your information about the world...

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