Mr President, honoured guests, dishonoured guests, ladies, gentlemen, rogues and toadies: welcome to the Very Obvious Political Theatre for this, the 25th Academy of Political Dark Arts and Sophistry Awards, or, as we affectionately know them, the Droscars. In 2019 the Academy saw scores of superb performances, taking to unbelievable heights the ancient art of play-acting in return for power and money. But in the end, the winners were clear. And so, with no further ado, it gives me great pleasure to announce the 2019 Droscars! Best Song: All the Beans, written and performed by Angelo Agrizzi. Critics were unanimous: Agrizzi sang like a canary, beating tough competition such as Gavin Watson’s catchy crowd-pleaser, Hakuna Bosasa and Lady Gaga’s Shallow, a heart-breaking ballad about AfriForum’s historical awareness. Best Animated Feature: Cyril Ramaphosa Is a Sell-out. Written, directed and voiced by Mosiuoa Lekota, this cartoon fantasy sees a political has-been lunging for relevance ...

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