Headlines for those who clamour for "more of the truth" from the media…. JPMorgan Chase Acquires Bear Stearns in Tedious-To-Read News Article JPMorgan Chase announced [it was] close to finalising plans to purchase the securities giant in an incredibly complex series of financial manoeuvers [in] obscure legal jargon that can only be described [as] most mind-numbingly dense and unreadable…. Successfully adding an infuriating block of text to an indecipherable paragraph … investors said they hoped to stave off bankruptcy for Bear Stearns, which, during last year’s impossible-to-write-about mortgage crisis, saw its value depreciate almost as quickly as readers’ interest. — theonion.com March 2008 No one, absolutely no one knows where a stock is going The number one rule of Wall Street: nobody, I don’t care if you’re Warren Buffett or if you’re Jimmy Buffett, nobody knows if a stock is gonna go up, down, sideways or in f***ing circles, least of all stock brokers, right? It’s all a fugazi...
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