On Thursday last week, it was announced that Donald Trump would visit the UK in July. The news outraged Britain’s left, the vast majority of whom I’m convinced are certifiably delusional, because if they weren’t, then surely they’d be mortified at their own attention-seeking hypocrisy?

Anyway, almost immediately a "carnival of resistance" was planned by a screaming little jester called Owen Jones, so I’ve taken the liberty of explaining who will form the parts to this procession of victims:

Between 1% and 2% of the participants will be Welsh. Making the trip will be the Johnny-come-lately of victims, whose spy gnomes have obviously reported back from the streets of Westminster that pleading persecution is now a way to trouser some easy cash, perhaps under the hype of "protecting our language".

Some 20%-30% of them will be easily offended middle-class millennials/snowflakes. Green hair, multiple piercings, muffin-tops and Doc Martin boots. Welcome to the gender circus of young people skulking around London’s campuses today, whose hatred of Trump was poked by remarks he made about countries these brats have unlikely ever visited, where leaders sometimes indulge in cannibalism, where female genital mutilation is a national sport and where homosexuals are fed to pigs.

About 40% will be from Momentum. The "grassroots" movement that spawned the age of Jeremy Corbyn really hates Jewish people. In fact, they hate Jewish people more than I hate Liverpool accents or fruit in a glass bowl. Longing to change Britain’s national anthem into a lively trumpet solo akin to a 20th century Latin American dictatorships, Momentum despise Trump because he exposes the left academic/borough complex for who they are: elitists, contemptuous of free markets, a group unto whom disproportionate power has been bestowed and whose subsequent purpose has been to fill the minds of impressionable children (see second group) with conspiratorial hearsay.

The remainder: media supporters of the above groups. This group will consist of people who work for, among others, The Independent (which doesn’t actually exist as a newspaper anymore, take note Iqbal Survé), VICE, and dreadful titles such as Salon, which once published a feature entitled, "I am a pedophile — but not a monster."

There are legitimate concerns about Trump’s judgement and diplomacy. His position on trade is blind. His contempt of and subsequent obsession with the previous administration’s submission to Iran is not particularly appealing — and his exaggerations on the supposed merits of his son-in-law’s political skills were embarrassing.

But the left have sought to confront these concerns by attacking him in a systematic manner, the result of which to date pales in significance to the resources afforded. Had Tony Blair or George Bush been subjected to the same organised hostility, both would be in jail.

The truth is we cannot analyse Trump responsibly, because scrutiny has been hijacked or even sabotaged by an army of clowns — organised, institutional ones, and the kind who will descend upon London in July. These awful, unwell people want stuff for free, or to stay in jobs that pay well for little effort. They condemn empire, but look the other way when it comes to the Ottomans; they condemn Israel, but ignore Pakistani grooming gangs.

Why does this happen? Why do people like the late Labour MP Jo Cox’s husband, Brendan, preach high and mighty about tolerance, then get exposed as a serial creeper-outer of women?

Some argue that the left’s irresponsible use of social media — playing the victim — has reduced their cause to narcissism. But surely, these things can only happen when you normalise hypocrisy?

Reader works for a political advisory firm.