Dear North West Province, I hereby inform you that rods of red mercury and other explosive devices have been positioned strategically along the course of your border to other South African provinces. Upon the imminent appointment of Brian Molefe as either minister or deputy minister of finance, these explosives will be detonated and you will be severed from SA, leaving you isolated, little more than a southern suburb of Botswana. Unfortunately, the ANC in your province has behaved very, very badly. Because of the medieval conditions imposed upon you by your superstitious warlord, ahem, "premier", you may not have had access to newspapers or the internet, and subsequently you will not be aware of the trouble your province has caused. Once, when the economy was throwing up money, we entertained you as a sort of dreadlocked, spotty, intemperate stepson, fond of sulking and playing the didgeridoo. Now you’ve graduated into blowing up abattoirs and we are faced with no choice but to ampu...

Subscribe now to unlock this article.

Support BusinessLIVE’s award-winning journalism for R129 per month (digital access only).

There’s never been a more important time to support independent journalism in SA. Our subscription packages now offer an ad-free experience for readers.

Cancel anytime.

Would you like to comment on this article?
Sign up (it's quick and free) or sign in now.

Speech Bubbles

Please read our Comment Policy before commenting.