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I’ll never forget the first and only time I got involved in a food fight. It was at a function after a primary school sports match — a few kids throwing boerewors rolls at each other. This lasted for about 20 seconds, because my mother was there and rapidly intervened. I received, as the saying goes, a royal bollocking.

I don’t associate any feeling of fear or humiliation with this public chastisement. Instead I recall only gratitude for a lesson learned: you don’t waste food, because millions of kids go hungry every night. Subsequently, scenes in movies and TV series set in US high school canteens in which preening teenagers yelled “food fight!” and upended their lunch trays always turned my stomach...

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