In no particular order, things I have been irrationally terrified of during my life include: boa constrictors, crocodiles, tsunamis, the walking dead, white bread, spaghetti and a tray of brownies left unattended.

Just as fairy tales bewitch toddlers with monsters under the bed, so too has wellness, sleek progeny of the diet-industrial complex, ensured that women (and some men) are petrified of real sugar, full-fat milk or any white food. I pity those who suffered through years of egg-white omelettes when cholesterol was the demon du jour. My grandmother still carries artificial sweeteners in a Ziploc bag in her handbag.

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