When we moved to a new garden a few years back, I was ecstatic about the large walnut tree. I imagined merry sessions of harvesting, followed by the satisfying conjuring up of walnut-laden meals: pasta with walnuts and cream, walnut and honey pie; walnut dressing. Oh I had a long list in my head, but ignorance is bliss. One season’s ‘harvest’ — if our pathetic haul could be called that — dashed our walnutty aspirations.

Nuts are a bloody nightmare! Well, for urban idiots anyway: the saga of picking them at just the right time (perfectly ripe but not yet moulding); the stone-age business of shelling them (too much force or force in the wrong spot, and the nut breaks into scraggy bits, half-stuck in the shell’s nooks and crannies); the checking for worms and bugs within the successful lot, the tiny bowl we were left with after hours and hours of work ... all quite disheartening. ..

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